“I’d never feel safe on a plane flown by a woman pilot.”
“A man’s career is more important because he has to support a family.”
Believe it or not, I had heard these words uttered just over four decades ago by an elderly acquaintance (herself a woman). Her comments had sounded illogical and unfair to me, even as a little girl, but I had simply brushed them aside as individual opinions—random remarks from a person well behind her time.
We’ve come a long way since then, and such statements would sound absurd and regressive today. With the increasing awareness around gender stereotyping and the conscious efforts towards creating a more unbiased environment in all walks of life, we’ve seen a steady social change as the world is growing more accepting of women in unconventional roles and more accustomed to seeing them succeed.
Or is it?
Ask women in science if they’ve encountered gender bias, and nine times out of ten, the answer is in the affirmative. As my daughter puts it—a woman is never allowed to take credit for her accomplishments. If she is accepted into a top engineering university, it’s because they want to be more “encouraging” towards girls. If she gets hired for a job, it’s because the company wants to “improve” the gender ratio. If she’s part of a plum project, she’s there because they need women on the team in order to appear more inclusive. Any possibility that she’s there because of her intelligence, capability and talent?
It won’t be an exaggeration to say that although the times have changed, the mindsets haven’t kept pace. The deep-rooted patriarchy still manifests itself in casual remarks like “boys are better at math” or “it’s unbecoming for a girl to swear!”
But nothing can top—“Speak up, be a man, and make your voice heard!” This was a discreet remark by an old employee to a young boy who had teamed up with my daughter to work on a project when he noticed that she was the one making the presentation and doing much of the speaking.
The centuries-old conditioning dictates our thoughts, so we justify classifying talents and behaviors as masculine or feminine. The blatant double standards have far-reaching consequences in the way men and women perceive themselves and each other.
I was astonished to find myself unknowingly propagating age-old stereotypes when I advised my daughter against revealing that she enjoyed crocheting if she were asked to speak about her hobbies at an upcoming interview for an electrical engineering position. Was it because of the ingrained conditioning that engaging in a typically “feminine” activity would in some way make her an unworthy candidate for a “man’s” job? Fortunately, she chose to be unapologetically herself, and am I proud of her for not listening to me!
While empowerment, equity and inclusion are important concepts, I wonder if we’ve only relegated them to becoming decorative themes for Women’s Day celebrations. I don’t have an opinion either way about allocating one day in the year to making women feel extra special. But I do have a bone to pick if we’re going to resort to tokenism to fool ourselves into believing that we’re doing enough to bridge gender inequality.
We still have miles to go before we can live in a world that’s free from prejudices, narrow attitudes, and unfair expectations. It’s not just the men who are a victim of subconscious biases. Women too need to embrace inclusion and equity in the truest sense of the word. How can we scream equity from the rooftops if we’re still judging one another for the way we look, the dimensions of our bodies, the clothes we wear, and other superficial attributes?
As women, we’ve all had varied journeys navigating diverse circumstances and getting molded by myriad influences and experiences. While some of us managed to break free from the shackles and mental barriers, millions could not. Many among us might be fighting battles that others don’t have a clue about. Shouldn’t inclusion be about acknowledging and accepting our differences, yet perceiving each other as equals? Or being sensitive to the limitations of other women who may not have found their voices yet?
The liberation needs to come from within so we’re free to accept and love ourselves for who we are and magnanimous enough to view others as equal individuals who simply happen to be male, female, or non-binary. Nothing more, nothing less.
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